Thoughts of My Daughter Jennie

 

Jennie, I cherish the memories of the lilac from your garden. I’ve been thinking of it for the last 10 days or so.  I’ll be at the cemetery on Sunday, thinking of you as a mother, and your children without you. And me too. 

Jennie, I’m thinking of you, and remembering. You did such a good job of being a mother to I. I’m so proud of you. I did tell you that. If you were here I would tell you again. I know you would be so upset that your family can’t wish her happy birthday, and give her and your other children all our love and let them know how much they matter to us. 

Jennie, it felt like a warm summer evening on Tuesday when I visited Grandma. The feeling of the summer’s evening 634 days ago (or 1 year, 8 months and 26 days), is already in the air. I longed to walk down the road and find you home, with your children around you. My heart filled my chest with that longing. Your garden is starting to come alive. Some blooms already. There seems to be nice people living there who love and care for your garden. No kids running around yet, but they have your playground set, so maybe there’s a child. There is a golden retriever. You would like that. Whoever these people are, they will feel the love and life in your garden that comes from your hands, sweat from your brow, and your vision, strength and love. You are in that garden, and your garden on Fairfield Road as well.  There are no words to describe how much I want you back. How much I miss you. What I am going through without you. How much I love you.